I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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