Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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