East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
