Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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