i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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