Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
