You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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