I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
