if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
