Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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