I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
