I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
