when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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