This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
