Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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