What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
