3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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