i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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