Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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