The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
