remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
