I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The uberlube is also flammable
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
