you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
