I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
