thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize