You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
