is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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