I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you never un-have a 4some
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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