K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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