She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
