Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
