My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
