I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
