Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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