You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize