cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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