chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
