That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
