a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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