Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
