I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
