so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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