nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
