i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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