Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
