He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
