My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
