So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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