OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
