i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize