Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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