Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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