I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
tell me about the eggs
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
