If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
