I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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