well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
