i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize