If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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