so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
