There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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