And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
