I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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