i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
